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The Great Depression

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I'm experiencing depression that extends beyond just physical symptoms—it delves into understanding history, particularly American history. Despite not attending school here, I've embarked on a journey to grasp the essence of being American, finding connections through my life experiences. This exploration has led me to comprehend the significance of various groups within American society, recognizing that understanding their perspectives is crucial for achieving unity and becoming a whole.

I'm studying my life in the Great Depression of the 1930s, a global economic downturn that profoundly impacted society. Understanding this period is crucial, particularly for aspiring entrepreneurs, as it reveals how the market crash triggered setbacks across various facets of human progress and development. One significant consequence was the profound effect on socio-economic development.

The aftermath of such periods can witness swift recoveries in many aspects, yet the toll on health and education is enduring, especially for marginalized communities. This is because survival becomes essential, and pursuing a home, often through unethical means during such crises, can have far-reaching consequences. In simpler terms, it results in a generational erosion of confidence, perpetuating cycles of poverty. The core issues revolve around sex, money, and drugs. Some are driven into drug abuse, others into corrupt practices for financial gain, and many into sexual exploitation.

Meanwhile, those in comfortable positions often pay no heed to the exploitation of others to maintain their status. Some misuse their influence, while others fall victim to illicit activities. Consequently, the decline in health and education ensues. Today, I comprehend the enduring plight of marginalized individuals and why they continue to suffer. This serves as my initial step in understanding the well-being of individuals.

I have much more to learn and understand, but this marks a promising beginning in confronting my own and others' mistakes and embarking on a journey of healing from my trauma. I aim to break free from the relentless cycle of involvement in sex, drugs, and money, or what I call the great depression that I've been caught up in since 2016. Despite never using drugs, engaging in consensual sexual activity, and earning money through sporadic odd jobs, I find myself now dependent on prescribed medication for my mental health. My partner has turned into a multifaceted sexual being, and I've accumulated debts of charity, generosity, and money. 

Following the success of our project, a venture capitalist expressed interest in investing a substantial amount of money in our ideas. Despite the tempting offer, we declined. Another investor stepped forward with an even more significant amount, but they requested control over a specific sector of an industry in return. Once again, we declined. I can't shake the feeling that individuals in such influential positions don't make such proposals lightly. Perhaps they played a cruel joke on us. Then that's dark.

Since turning down these offers, my life feels trapped in a stagnant cycle, akin to being stuck in a confined space like a pigeon hole, perhaps a "Hyatt hole," along with others. The pattern repeats itself every time I finish a project.

I collaborate with my partner, who demeans me by playing a cruel joke by compensating me with sexual favors every time I meet a deadline. I realize the reason behind this arrangement stems from my naive and unthinking decision to kiss him and propose working together when presented with other opportunities to work with Industry-serious people. It served as a wake-up call for my sexual naivety and ignorance in a male-dominated world.

In the realm of drug prescriptions, I often fail to recognize the trigger points that I let others exploit to influence me, and I'm continually running towards the same patterns that drag me down rather than learning from them. It's an ongoing struggle to recover, gain insight, and grow.

Thirdly, concerning finances, I'm still grappling with understanding how societal pressure to reciprocate acts of kindness and meet specific individuals' expectations has resulted in accumulating debt. My failure to recognize my value and worth in my personal and professional life and advocate for fair livelihood and compensation has also affected my financial downfall.

My belief that I can thrive independently, relying solely on my talents and capabilities, has been challenged. It's become evident that on a larger scale, conflicts, economic downturns, political turmoil, and other upheavals impact every individual on a micro level, regardless of their strengths and abilities. They said, "One can't do it alone." So, the cycle repeats: Prescribed drugs, sex, and no money until I learn and realize what it means to be a self-made woman. These are the hard lessons of my life through history. 

Today, I voiced out the meanness of my partner in sexual activity as it is hopefully to the right person because he stopped hurting me. I've come to understand that truth serves as the antidote for restoring balance to my mind, which is why I'm utilizing this platform to share my perspective. Furthermore, I still have much to learn about nurturing my soul toward prosperity.

The war within continues ... 

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