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My Guru

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Amidst life's unpredictability, love's always been a curious constant. It found me in the summer of 2016, wrapped in the enigmatic allure of him.

It wasn't the clichéd love-at-first-sight scenario. No, my heart didn't leap out of my chest the first time I looked at him, not even when I caught glimpses of him on video. Yet, when it did happen after two years of knowing him, it was as if my heartbeat synchronized with his, setting off palpitations that I couldn't ignore.

Doubt crept in, as it often does. How could this be love when it didn't fit the mold I'd envisioned? I wrestled with my emotions, knowing all too well the contradictions within me. My wild heart seemed to have a mind of its own, capable of discerning truths I wasn't ready to acknowledge.

They say the heart knows what the mind denies. Perhaps, deep down, it understood me better than I understood myself. It knew of my tendency to resist what I truly desired, to stray from the path laid out by logic.

So, as conflicting emotions waged war within me, I made a choice. Before love could fully take root, before I could confront the whirlwind of emotions stirring within, I fled. It was an instinctual response driven by fear and uncertainty.

I found myself fleeing for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, there was uncertainty about his dating life. I couldn't shake the feeling that he might not be single, and I didn't want to entangle myself in a complicated situation.

Then there was the nagging suspicion that I was being teased, that perhaps his interactions with me were just a cruel joke. It seemed safer to stay away and shield myself from potential hurt.

Confusion clouded my mind, too, as I grappled with the boundary between professional admiration and personal affection. I worried about mixing work with feelings, afraid of disrupting the delicate balance.

So, I took precautions. I avoided anyone who reminded me of him, steering clear of conversations that echoed his voice. I kept my distance from places where I felt his presence lingered, afraid of the emotions they might stir.

But amidst the urge to flee, there were moments when I found myself drawn towards him, like the time I dared to dress up, stepping out of my usual attire. It was a small rebellion against my rules, a silent admission of his pull on my heart despite my attempts to resist. Gradually, I felt a sense of security in his thoughts and presence. I began to trust him.

 

Yet, even in my retreat, I couldn't escape the echoes of that fleeting connection. It lingered in the recesses of my mind, a reminder of the love I dared not embrace. And so, the journey continued. The mystery of love was forever entwined with the complexities of my restless heart.

Everything changed with the sudden arrival of a thief who stole me away from him. Confusion swept over me like a relentless storm, threatening to drown out any sense of clarity. Determined to regain control over my heart's tumultuous state, I resolved to make a definitive decision about how I perceived him.

I chose to see him as a symbol of prosperity, a harbinger of good fortune in my life. Adopting the role of a well-wisher, I extended to him the same kindness I would offer to myself.

Deep within me lay a profound desire to be regarded as wise. And so, I began to view him through the lens of wisdom, recognizing in him the qualities I aspired to embody.

As our relationship evolved, I yearned for his attention, experiencing moments of admiration, grappling with bouts of jealousy, and ultimately forming a deep emotional bond akin to that of a mentor and student.

In this dynamic, I longed for his approval, striving to mold myself into a reflection of his wisdom and guidance. My greatest wish was for him to take pride in my growth and development, knowing that I had followed in his footsteps with reverence and dedication.

 

He taught me to box; today, I see him as my Guru.

 

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