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  • Writer's pictureMounika Sammiti

Against The Surging Waves

I find solace in the act of putting pen to paper, as it serves as my refuge from the tumult of withdrawal symptoms that grip my being. The pain courses through my nerves, jolting me awake from the haze of drowsiness, yet amidst this chaos, there lies a sanctuary in the simple act of writing. Holding a pen, I am anchored to a sense of peace, a lifeline for my sanity amidst the storm.

In the face of such adversity, I am reminded of the immense reservoirs of willpower required to maintain one's composure and unity of mind, body, and soul in turmoil. While my struggles pale in comparison to the Herculean efforts of those who navigate through life's tribulations with grace and fortitude, I am resolute in the same commitment as them to refrain from self-harm or harming others.

It is humbling to contemplate the unfathomable strength of individuals who, despite waves of the cosmic ocean surging inside them, uphold their values and champion the betterment of humanity through sheer willpower. Their unwavering resolve, born from a fusion of mind, body, and soul, is a testament to the indomitable power of the human spirit.

Even though I may feel insignificant, I'm reminded that even a tiny drop can have a profound impact, like polluting a body of water. Recently, I found myself losing control during sleep, grappling with monsters born not merely from my imagination but perhaps from trauma, fear, or even the presence of a foreign entity. In moments of vulnerability, I've caught myself making gestures—a bite here, a kiss there—barely a second through uncontrolled actions as I battle the demons of my nightmares. It's a strange realization, highlighting the complex interplay between our subconscious minds and the external forces that shape or play with our fears.

The concern for the well-being of others weighs heavily on my mind, especially considering the potential consequences if I were to lose control of my mental and physical faculties, as my doctor diagnosed me with PTSD—a mental health ordeal inflicted upon me by others. While I may not have been prepared to defend myself against those who caused me harm, I am determined to prioritize my healing journey, focusing on breaking the cycle of abuse reaching others through me.

Today, my deepest wish is that those who wish me well refrain from inflicting pain and torment upon my adversaries or anyone else. I understand all too well that retaliation only perpetuates hatred. Instead, I strive to transform my pain into a catalyst for awakening to human rights principles—rooted in truth, peace, love, and justice rather than anger, negative peace, and bloodshed. Through this transformative process, I endeavor to contribute positively to the world around me, ensuring that the legacy of vices of mine and others and the suffering of both ends with me, and we embrace only the virtues, cultivate the best of both worlds, ensuring they nourish the next cycle to grow strong and healthy.


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